Employer Denies Bereavement Leave After Employee’s Repeated Miscarriages

When an employee’s repeated bereavement claims seemed suspicious, the employer decided to address the situation by tightening the company’s policies.

Over the past year, the employee had taken numerous leaves for “miscarriages,” which occurred at what many considered an unusually high frequency. The employer, realizing the impact on the company, put in place new documentation requirements to verify future claims.

The employee’s behavior, including the claim that life begins at conception, raised concerns within the company, but the employer remained respectful of her beliefs. The decision to enforce stricter policies has led to tension, especially after the employee’s latest request for leave.

Is it unreasonable for the employer to question the authenticity of the claims and require documentation, or should the employee’s situation have been treated with more flexibility?

Employer refuses bereavement leave for employee who repeatedly claims to lose pregnancies, sparking controversy and policy changes

Employer Denies Bereavement Leave After Employee’s Repeated Miscarriages
not the actual photo

'Denied bereavement to employee who lost 3-day old fetus. Well?'

(Last edited 17 JAN, updates at end)

Also IMBTA because I asked her how this is possible, as she lost the last fetus nine days ago (and took a week of bereavement PTO).

She replied that though it's "none of my business", she and her husband got pregnant again the night before she RTW.

That means she carried this child 3 days and lost it.

She lost a whopping 13 unborn children this way through 2024, all similar lengths of pregnancy. Took 13 weeks PTO, not including vaca/personal.

This year I'm putting my foot down. Today I was wrestling with updating our bereavement policy to add documentation requirements -- essentially,

due to a single employee who is going to get the same answer, medical/funerary docs or not -- and decided "f__k it".

Update, 17 JAN

I certainly wasn't expecting this to blow up the way it did. Thanks everyone for your comments, questions and advice.

I've only been able to read the first 200-300 comments, but I'll try to answer the most-asked questions with additional details.

And given the amount of interest, some of you are probably expecting an update so I'll share about what's been decided so far.

_"The math doesn't work" / "The frequency of occurrences is improbable, if not impossible"_

I agree! I do need to point out here that the specific numbers I stated are intentionally inaccurate,

for the sake of plausible deniability should the employee become aware of this post.

However, even with the real numbers there is definitely something fishy with her claims.

I wasn't actually counting, but I did recently go through emails to find the exact number and dates.

I knew the year total for 2024 was less than 13 times, but the actual figure is close.

Since 2023, when the "miscarriages" started, the grand total has been a bit more than 13.

The reason I went with 13-in-a-year was to illustrate the suspicious timing being at odds with human typical anatomy,

as some of these so-called pregnancies have occurred _much_ less than a typical ovulation cycle apart.

Some commenters noted that such an extreme frequency of medically confirmable pregnancies is theoretically possible with an atypical physiology;

maybe that's the case with her, but I feel it makes no difference because of some details I've noted further down.

"What exactly does this employee believe about human reproduction/anatomy?"

I'm convinced (though I can't be 100% sure) that she believes life occurs at conception, and that conception and fertilization are essentially the same.

She is, in her own words, a "devout, persecuted Christian" (read: fundamentalist).

She's entitled to believe that, and in the interest of maintaining an inclusive work environment we appreciate it.

Beliefs aside, it's quite clear (based on the many comments citing reproductive physiology)

that she is assuming successful conceptions _before_ she is actually testing for them.

And that's where I first take issue.

HR, their legal consultants, the department heads and myself are all on the same page, in that the medically accepted definition for pregnancy

(and none other) shall be applicable, wherever said pregnancy is concerned in employee-workplace relations.

So going forward, at least one policy change is granting managers the _option_ of requesting proper documentation

before excusing unscheduled absences or approving PTO.

_"Why did she get away with abusing this benefit so gratuitously? Have you thought about going after her for previous claims?"_

Many reasons, the main one being my failure to get involved before this got out of control.

The employee doesn't report directly to me, but her manager began notifying me starting with the third instance,

expressing concern that she may be taking advantage of the laxness in our benefit policies and making sure I'm aware of potentially excessive PTO.

I had bigger fish to fry last year, etc. I could have made time to deal with it,

but I was anticipating some fallout occurring at a particularly inconvenient time for the company. It's a s__t excuse, but an explanation nonetheless.

I should also note that there isn't a pattern of this employee gaming us in other ways, no misuse of company time/resources

or other common behaviors associated with dishonest employees; none that we've discovered, at least.

It's possible that her abuse of the bereavement policy is to wage some sort of pro-life culture war, rather than (or in addition to) receiving the benefit itself.

She'll get away with it this one last time, at least the unscheduled absence, HR's legal folks will get back with us

about withholding regular pay (assuming she doesn't surprise us with confirming medical documentation).

As far as previous PTO claims, we've been told that there's little likelihood of that happening,

as there's probably no way to apply the new required documentation policy retroactively.

When miscarriage enters workplace discussions, it’s not only a medical topic but also an emotional and administrative one. Miscarriage or spontaneous pregnancy loss before 20 weeks is a very common reproductive outcome, and many people who experience it face both physical and emotional challenges.

According to medical and public health sources, miscarriage rates vary but are substantial: roughly 10 % to 20 % of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, with many occurring in the first trimester, and overall early pregnancy loss may affect as many as one in four conceptions.

Importantly, recurrent pregnancy loss (defined clinically as two or more consecutive miscarriages) is significantly less common. Epidemiological data show about 5 % of women experience two consecutive losses, and only about 1 % have three or more consecutive pregnancy losses.

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These figures help frame how policymakers and employers think about miscarriage rates relative to the frequency described in the Reddit post.

Miscarriage isn’t just statistics; the emotional impact can be profound. Grief after pregnancy loss is increasingly recognized in research and clinical literature as real and significant, involving sorrow, stress, and complex emotional reactions similar to those experienced after other forms of loss.

Workplaces and researchers note that experiences of pregnancy loss often intersect with work environments in ways that require compassion, space for bereavement, and clear policies to avoid misunderstandings and stigma.

Public health and workplace research confirms both the prevalence and emotional significance of miscarriage and the need for support. A scoping review on workplace supports for early pregnancy loss explains that pregnancy loss (including miscarriage) may require leave and recovery time, and is something many workplaces currently inadequately address.

Workplaces that lack formal bereavement or pregnancy loss policies often leave decisions to managerial discretion, increasing inconsistency and potential confusion.

This research underscores two key points:

  • Miscarriage is medically common and biologically driven, frequently resulting from chromosomal abnormalities that are random and not the fault of the person experiencing it.
  • Workplaces need explicit policies to support employees through pregnancy loss and bereavement so that neither the individual nor the organization is put in a position of ambiguity or perceived unfairness.

In the context described, the employer’s concern about documentation and policy structure reflects broader organizational challenges when bereavement leave isn’t clearly defined around pregnancy loss.

Many HR practitioners advocate for clear leave documentation and guidance, not as a lack of empathy, but to ensure consistency, legal compliance, and fair treatment for all employees. Formal bereavement or compassionate leave policies help employers respond appropriately and sensitively without forcing ad‑hoc judgments or permitting potential misuse.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

These commenters agree that the employee is taking advantage of the situation, and they highlight that the claim of pregnancy at three days is unrealistic

MercyMe717 − Wait...you can't even tell you're even pregnant at 3 days. ..she taking you as a sucker.

She wants to be paid to just do...well whatever. NTA and I would have her, and her only, bring in med documentation...

I work within an HR capacity and that's considered abuse of leave. ...

Fatty_Bombur − Does your employee not realise that getting your period each month is not a miscarriage?

[Reddit User] − Does your employee believe having her period means she's lost her baby?

[Reddit User] − As a person who has been pregnant before, the math ain’t mathin

This group focuses on the absurdity of the employee’s repeated claims of miscarriages and how it is being exploited for excessive paid time off

Novel-Demand-5244 − THIRTEEN weeks of PTO? That’s a little beyond extreme. She is flat out taking advantage of you.

AlwaysHelpful22 − She lost a fetus, got pregnant again and lost another fetus, pregnant again, lost another fetus,

and so on, repeating this cycle 13 times in one year? She’s played you for 13 weeks of paid time off in 2024. NTA

sandpaper_fig − At 3 days there is absolutely no way she could tell if she was pregnant. She is scamming your business.

These commenters suggest that OP needs to address the issue directly, possibly by letting the employee go

SnowQuiet9828 − You're absolutely wasting your time updating a policy that is going to affect your entire staff

when the right thing is to let this employee go. This is going to negatively effect the entire staff,

you're going to realise you need to fire her or she will quit anyway, and then you've punished everyone else for nothing they have done.

AmbassadorSad1157 − I don't think it would be unreasonable to request proof from her OB/GYN under these circumstances. She's clearly using you.

emlabkerba − that's how these kinds of policies come into being, one bad employee. If you don't trust her, there is only one solution.

You have to cut her loose. What other ways will you start suspecting she is being untrustworthy?

Your focus will be diverted from your main work to watching this one employee who 100% is taking advantage.

This group calls for termination of the employee, with some expressing frustration over the exploitation of policies and the lack of legitimacy in her claims

WiseOwlPoker − Employment terminated. Problem solved. You're welcome. Best of luck.

TheC9 − This is almost insulting to people who have miscarriage at weeks or even months (I was one of them)

P. S. now think about it. It is not “almost” insulting but indeed insulting. I am actually angry.

These commenters suggest that the employee may be dealing with underlying mental health issues, and that this cycle of behavior is likely to continue

Boss_Bitch_Werk − For arguments sake, let’s say she’s been the kind that has miscarriage after miscarriage.

Those will run you 5-6 weeks between periods which means 13 miscarriages is 78 weeks on the high end and 65 weeks on the low end.

I thought there were only 52 weeks in a year. It’s not even statistically possible to be pregnant that many times in a year.

ETA: OP, you can always state that documentation may be required so that she’s the only one asked since she’s using it for a very specific reason.

Does your state have PTO or sick for any reproductive loss claims? Some states do.

FrancieNolan13 − This person is likely dealing with some severe mental health and this is going to keep happening

Is this employee truly grieving, or is she simply exploiting a loophole in the company’s bereavement policy? Either way, the employer is in a tough spot.

Should they continue granting PTO under these circumstances, or is it time to enforce stricter policies to prevent abuse? What’s your take on this situation? Do you think the employer was right to deny leave, or is there more to the story? Share your thoughts below!

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