He Let Her Struggle On Her Own, Now He Wants To Use Her Apartment

Some requests sound simple until you remember who they’re coming from.

On paper, this is just a father asking if his partner can stay in his daughter’s apartment for a bit. There’s a family member in the hospital nearby, they need somewhere convenient, and her place happens to be close.

But once you know the history, it doesn’t feel simple at all.

He Let Her Struggle on Her Own, Now He Wants to Use Her Apartment
Not the actual photo

Here’s The Original Post:

'AITA for not relinquishing my apartment?'

My parents divorced when I was young, and my dad got remarried. Circumstances led to us being estranged for some time due to their actions.

My dad makes lots of money, but did not want to contribute to child support or me and my brothers education, so my mom paid for it mostly.

I moved away to complete an arts degree. There was an emergency in my student housing, and I was spending my money from part time jobs on living expenses.

Long story short, I became temporarily homeless during the last year of my bachelors degree, and my options were to stay in the city homeless or forfeit my degree and...

although I was 6 months to being done. So I became homeless, eventually my place became liveable again, and I completed my degree.

My dad who makes a considerable amount of money knew to some degree I was homeless and did not offer any support.

Fast forward 2 years, I moved home and worked 2 full time jobs to be able to go for a clinical graduate program that is +++ competitive, and got an...

How that becomes relevant now is my dad is asking if his partner can stay in my apartment because she has a family member in the hospital nearby, although I...

I have tried to set boundaries, but they continue to ask and degrade my financial decisions of continuing to pay for my apartment when I’m going home to work for...

They have more than enough money for a hotel and have went on 2 overseas vacations in the past 2 months.

In my 7 years doing my education they never came to visit me, although I have been less than 4 hours away the whole time.

This is all bringing up a lot of feelings for me, alongside a lot of sexism and preferential treatment growing up that resulted in undue blame and poor treatment towards...

AITA for not letting them or wanting them to stay at my apartment?

What Came Before This

Her parents split when she was young. Her dad moved on, built a new life, and did well financially.

But when it came to supporting his kids, that didn’t really show up.

Her mom carried most of the load. Education, expenses, everything that comes with raising kids. Over time, the relationship with her dad became distant.

Then came one of the hardest periods of her life.

During the final year of her degree, her student housing had an emergency and became unlivable. She was already working part-time, already scraping by. Suddenly, she had to choose.

Go home and give up her degree.

Or stay and somehow survive.

She stayed.

For a while, she didn’t have a stable place to live.

She was basically homeless, trying to finish her last six months of school.

And her dad knew.

He didn’t step in. Didn’t offer help. Didn’t try to fix it.

She got through it anyway.

What She Built After

After graduating, she didn’t get a break.

She worked two full-time jobs to save money and get into a competitive graduate program. She kept pushing forward, step by step.

Eventually, she got her own apartment.

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Not something handed to her. Something she fought for.

That place means more than just rent and walls. It’s proof that she made it through a really tough time on her own.

Now He’s Asking for Something

Fast forward a couple of years.

Her dad reaches out.

His partner needs somewhere to stay because of a family situation. The hospital is near her apartment. It would be convenient.

They want to use her place.

And they keep asking, even after she’s clearly uncomfortable with it.

On top of that, they’ve started criticizing her for “wasting money” by paying rent on a place she won’t be in full-time over the summer.

That’s where it really starts to feel off.

Because this isn’t someone who can’t afford other options. He has money. He travels. He could easily book a hotel.

He just doesn’t want to.

Why This Doesn’t Sit Right

It’s not just about the apartment.

It’s about the timing.

When she needed help the most, there was nothing. No support, no backup plan, no safety net.

Now that she has something of her own, suddenly it’s okay to ask her to share it.

That’s hard to ignore.

And it’s even harder when the asking doesn’t stop, even after she’s tried to set a boundary.

At that point, it doesn’t feel like a request anymore.

It feels like pressure.

The Part People Don’t Always Say

There’s this idea that you should always help family.

But that only really works when there’s been some level of care and support both ways.

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When that’s missing, it changes things.

It doesn’t mean you have to be cold or cut people off completely. But it does mean you get to decide what you’re comfortable with.

And in this case, she’s not comfortable letting them stay.

That’s enough.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Most people agreed she wasn’t wrong.

Nester1953 − "No, I'm sorry, that won't work for me. Please don't ask again. " Done.

And if they do ask again, block them. They don't deserve your concern or another second of your time. NTA

Tough_Tumbleweed_504 − He didn’t offer any help when you were completing a degree homeless and now reaches out to save a couple hundred bucks??

This is a new level of cheap I didn’t think was humanly possible. NTA.

Unfair_Feedback_2531 − Give him the address of the homeless shelter where you stayed. Say that is a lovely, suitable place and you lived there for a while.

A lot of them pointed out the obvious. He didn’t help when she was struggling, but now expects access to what she built on her own.

lostalldoubt86 − NTA- If he asks again, tell him you don’t have room in your home for people who let you be homeless.

Final_Replacement_37 − NTA But learn to stop explaining yourself. Whether your dad earns a lot or did/ didn’t pay child support doesn’t matter.

You’re not comfortable with your dad’s wife staying in your apartment and that’s valid and enough.

RandomNick42 − NTA. Send a demand letter for missed child support.

Others said she doesn’t need to explain herself at all. A simple “no” is enough, especially when someone keeps pushing.

UrbanHuaraches − NTA. I'm being harsh, because I just finished my graduate degree and my father is so proud and excited for me,

and the contrast in your post is hitting me hard: this isn't a father, this is a guy who shares your DNA.

rez2metrogirl − NTA. Just say No. Mute notifications from them to gather evidence.

Inform property management that people are trying to enter your place without your permission and give security their pictures and information.

This way if they do show up unannounced and try to force their way in, property management will get the police involved and you’re well out of it.

Look into getting security cameras to cover all points of entry too.

JoneseyP98 − NTA. Whether your father was rich or poor, no father let's his daughter become and carry on being homeless.

A good father, rich or poor would move heaven and earth to make sure you were safe.

Your choice OP but I would be saying no to just someone staying in your apartment. He doesn't deserve anything from you.

Hot-Net-8522 − Nta. Your mother should have taken him for child support years ago and at this point it's probably too late.

If he keeps asking just tell him that all the f__king child support and back child support that he owes he can use to get his girlfriend

and apartment while she's in town and that he needs to lose your f__king number And then fully block his ass and hers

She worked hard to get where she is. She handled things on her own when she didn’t have a choice.

Now she’s being asked to give something back to someone who wasn’t there when it mattered.

It makes sense that she doesn’t want to.

And honestly, that doesn’t make her a bad person.

Sometimes it just means you’ve learned where to draw the line.

 

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