Husband Accuses Partner Of Being Controlling For Setting Safety Rules For An Evicted Guest

Sometimes, trying to help a friend in need can turn into an unexpected challenge when personal boundaries are tested.

When one partner invites a friend to stay after he’s lost his job and is about to be evicted, they run into conflict over one crucial detail: the presence of g_ns in their home.

Our original poster who’s offering support insists the g_ns must go, but the other partner feels their wishes are being disregarded.

Can they find a solution, or will this issue drive a wedge between them? Scroll down to read more!

Woman asks boyfriend’s friend to follow rules (no g_ns) while staying at their place

Husband Accuses Partner Of Being Controlling For Setting Safety Rules For An Evicted Guest
not the actual photo

'AITAH for telling my BF that his friend has to leave his guns somewhere else if he wants to move in with us?'

My boyfriend's friend recently lost his job and is goong to get evicted shortly.

He asked a lot of friends and his family, but noone let him stay.

My boyfriend asked me if he could stay. I said sure, but that he will have to leave his g_ns

somewhere else or sell them and that my house is a g_n free zone.

Boyfriend is angry, calling me unresonable, controling,... He wants to know what I suggest?

I juat want him to store them somewhere else..

However if he is going onto my house, rent free I think he should at least obey some rules..

Am I wrong here?

In this situation, it’s clear that OP is trying to maintain a sense of safety and control in their own home, which is perfectly valid.

OP has set a boundary by requesting that their boyfriend’s friend not bring guns into their home, which they deem a gun-free space.

While this may feel like a simple and reasonable request to OP, it’s understandable that the boyfriend might feel uncomfortable with the idea, especially if he has a close relationship with his friend and values their rights to their belongings.

It’s entirely reasonable for OP to want to feel safe in their own home, especially if there’s a strong stance against guns in their household.

Everyone has their own personal comfort levels, and OP has every right to enforce the kind of environment they want to live in.

If guns are something OP doesn’t want in their house for personal or philosophical reasons, requesting that the friend either store them elsewhere or sell them is a boundary that OP is trying to establish in the relationship.

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It’s not unreasonable to ask for rules to be respected, especially when someone is living in your space rent-free.

That being said, the boyfriend’s feelings are also valid. His friend has just lost his job and is facing eviction, which is an emotionally difficult situation.

He likely wants to support his friend as much as possible, and may see OP’s request as an additional burden on an already tough time for his friend.

The boyfriend could also feel like this request is stepping into the realm of control over his relationship with his friend, or might be concerned that the friend will feel unwelcome or judged.

The key to resolving this is open communication.

OP could approach the situation by explaining why a gun-free space is important to them, whether for safety reasons, personal comfort, or other philosophical beliefs, and try to make their boyfriend understand that it’s not about the friend specifically, but about the environment OP wants to cultivate in their home.

At the same time, OP could acknowledge the boyfriend’s desire to support his friend, and perhaps try to find a compromise.

For example, they could offer to help the friend find a place to store the guns temporarily, or allow them to be stored somewhere safe outside the home. This way, the boyfriend’s need to support his friend is respected, while OP’s comfort level regarding safety is also maintained.

OP is not wrong to set boundaries in their own home, and their desire for a gun-free space is a reasonable request. However, to avoid further conflict, it may help to have an open conversation where both parties listen to each other’s concerns.

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Finding a solution that respects both OP’s safety concerns and the boyfriend’s desire to support his friend could go a long way in maintaining peace in the relationship while also ensuring that everyone’s needs are met.

Ultimately, relationships require compromise, especially when it comes to managing shared spaces and personal boundaries.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

This group includes responsible gun owners who emphasized that your request is entirely reasonable

[Reddit User] − NTA, I collect firearms and I would NEVER enter someone's house

with a firearm (I don't usually carry but I have a carry permit)

without either knowing they were ok with it or asking first.

To many people believe that their rights (I don't care if it's from the first,second,

or any other amendment or law) believe that the rights effect

how other private citizens treat them.

The rights (especially those granted by the 1st and 2nd amendment)

are there to protect your rights from the GOVERNMENT not private citizens.

Yes you have the right to own firearms but that doesn't mean

you have the right to have firearms on someone else's private property.

The same thing stands for things like speech.

Yes you have the right to say what you want but that

doesn't give you the right to be listened to

nor does it give you the right to come onto my property and say what you want.

eatthebunnytoo − NTA , I own guns and find this a completely reasonable request.

The fact that no family or other friends will take him in,

and he can’t be separated from his guns are honestly big red “stop” signs to me.

Judgypossum − NTA and I really appreciate how many gun owners are declaring

they’d never disrespect someone’s wishes.

Technically what we have are my husband’s, usually kept in a safe.

But he has a carry permit and he carefully insiders everywhere we might go before carrying.

It’s your house.

These Redditors focused on the “Nobody else will take him in” red flag

Aloena − NTA. You are the one doing him the favor, he can obey your request.

Interesting how he asked all of his friends and family and

NOBODY else is willing to take him in. Honestly, I’d back out at this point.

I guarantee that he will tell you they’re gone and will actually have them packed in his bags.

I’d also ask your boyfriend why this guy

and his comfort are more important than you and yours...

old_duderino − NTA I'm curious as to why this guy doesn't have any other friends

or family who will let him move in. I sort of assume he's an a__hole,

whether that means stupid, disrespectful, or dangerous.

Anyway, if you're getting a rent-free place to stay,

he should be willing to put his guns somewhere else.

Maybe a family member's house, or maybe

he could rent some space from a gun store or something similar.

Swedishpunsch − NTA You'd be wise to not let him come at all.

There are likely reasons why no one else will take him in, particularly his own family.

Or, your BF is making the situation sound more desperate

because it would be fun for him to have this guy living there so they can play with the guns.

Friend may have mental health issues that make him difficult to live with,

if not dangerous due to his armaments. I'd bet the farm that he would be a terrible tenant,

and that he won't leave until you evict him and his guns that he will bring.

This sounds alarmist, but with his fire power it could take the SWAT team

to get him out of your home. If BF objects, he can go live with him somewhere.

Why did he recently lose his job, and

Why doesn't he have any savings to tide him over until he finds another? More red flags.

This group addressed the safety and storage aspects

mizkyu − Not wanting guns in your house is not 'controlling',

especially if there won't be anywhere to store them safely (gun safes, ammo storage, etc).

Not to mention the 'rent free' part. NTA.

NotMe739 − NTA. If you are not comfortable around guns you

absolutely should not have them in your home.

I come from a family that hunts for food and target shoots for recreation.

I started learning gun safety as a toddler with a little toy gun

that shot rubber pellets about 20 feet with a good tailwind.

I would be uncomfortable with a house guest bringing guns into my home.

When my husband's brother got his handgun permit I immediately had a conversation

with my husband about what is and is not welcome in our house.

We decided on any guns that come into our house must be unloaded

and secured with a trigger lock or locked case.

If this friend is a good guy who you trust maybe you can come up with a compromise

where trigger locks or a gun safe is used

and all ammunition is stored in a locked case elsewhere in the house.

If this still would not be enough to make you feel comfortable

there is nothing wrong with that. This is a home that you own.

You should feel safe in it. If the only way to feel safe in the situation is

for the friend to find somewhere else to keep his guns

then those are your house rules and he needs to respect them.

These users focused on your relationship dynamics

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your house. RENT FREE.

Beggars can't be choosers and I watch far too many true crime shows to be okay

with some rando moving into your house with a strap.

Also, your boyfriend's reaction is very telling.

skiggety − NTA What you are doing is setting boundaries, which is healthy.

Speaking of boundaries, how much verbal abuse (e. g. namecalling)

are you willing to accept from a partner?

"None" is the only answer I can recommend wholeheartedly.

This story is a high-stakes standoff over “Property Rights vs. Personal Protection.”

In one corner, we have the OP, who is offering a massive lifeline, a rent-free place to live, but with a strict “gun-free zone” caveat for her own home.

In the other, we have a boyfriend who sees this boundary not as a safety measure, but as an act of “controlling” hostility toward a friend who is already losing everything.

The tension here is built on the foundation of “The Gift and the Catch.”

While the boyfriend is focused on the friend’s desperation, the OP is focused on her own peace of mind. By demanding the friend “disarm” before entering, she’s setting a house rule that she feels is non-negotiable.

However, the boyfriend’s reaction suggests he views the guns as an extension of the friend’s identity or security, making the OP’s rule feel like a kick to a man who is already down.

Is the OP a “Heroic Host” for offering her home with a simple safety boundary, or is she overplaying her hand by making a homeless man choose between a roof and his property?

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Does “rent-free” give you the right to dictate someone’s legal belongings, or is a “gun-free” house a boundary that should never be crossed? Drop your hot takes!

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