Older Sister Accused Of Being Controlling After Warning Her Sibling About Dangerous Dieting

This original poster (OP), trying to protect her younger sister from repeating her own weight-loss mistakes, steps in when she sees her sister attempting a drastic, unhealthy diet.

Having struggled with the same issues herself, she offers advice on how to approach weight loss more healthily. But her sister doesn’t appreciate the input, calling her controlling instead.

Is she being overly protective, or is she simply trying to help her sister avoid the same pitfalls?

Sister warns younger sibling about unhealthy weight loss habits, but it backfires

Older Sister Accused Of Being Controlling After Warning Her Sibling About Dangerous Dieting
not the actual photo

'AITA for telling my sister the way she's trying to lose weight will lead to her actually becoming overweight ?'

My (37f) little sister Linda (29f) is not even overweight.

She circles 145 pounds at 5 feet 6 inches which is around 65 kg

at 167 cm for my non-American friends.

She got dumped by her boyfriend and she's trying hard to lose weight.

I'm legitimately overweight as I am 198 lb at 5 feet 5 inches which is around 89 kg at 165 cm.

She's making the same I made after I had my baby.

Under 1,200 calories, not enough protein, tons of cardio, no strength training, ect.

Burn out my muscles and mess up my metabolism.

I tried to explain that to my sister but she called me controlling. Am I the a__hole ?

In this situation, it’s clear that OP (the poster) is genuinely concerned for her younger sister’s health, having experienced the negative consequences of unhealthy dieting and exercise firsthand.

She understands the dangers of extreme calorie restriction, excessive cardio, and inadequate protein intake, which can lead to muscle breakdown and long-term metabolic damage.

Her intentions are rooted in care and the desire to prevent her sister from going down the same destructive path.

However, while OP’s advice is grounded in health knowledge, the way she communicated it might have been perceived as controlling or critical.

When it comes to sensitive topics like weight, body image, and dieting, the delivery of advice is just as important as the content. OP’s sister may have felt judged or unsupported, particularly if she was already struggling with body image issues.

Being on the receiving end of unsolicited advice about one’s body can sometimes feel like an invasion of privacy, or worse, as if the person giving the advice doesn’t respect their autonomy.

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Psychologically, when someone is already feeling insecure about their body or weight, they might be less receptive to advice, especially if it feels like criticism.

The desire to make changes can often come from a place of self-doubt or frustration, and when others point out perceived flaws, it can add to those feelings.

This is likely why OP’s sister reacted defensively, interpreting her sister’s well-meaning advice as an attack on her ability to make her own decisions.

Instead of simply pointing out the flaws in her sister’s approach, OP might have benefited from taking a more collaborative approach.

For instance, sharing her own experiences and struggles without placing blame could open up a conversation where her sister feels more supported.

Rather than dictating a solution, OP could have invited her sister to explore healthier options together, fostering a sense of partnership rather than control. This approach would help her sister feel more empowered to make her own informed choices.

In conclusion, while OP’s advice was well-intentioned, the way it was delivered may have made her sister feel criticized or judged.

People are more likely to respond positively when they feel their concerns are acknowledged and when they’re part of the process of finding solutions.

A softer, more understanding approach would help foster a more supportive and productive conversation about health, rather than creating tension or conflict.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

This group focused on credentials and boundaries

NotTravisKelce − You aren’t a dietician or doctor and honestly don’t sound like

you actually know what you are talking about. Stop giving medical advice. Yta.

1962Michael − YTA. Unless you are a physician, certified nutritionist, or other professional,

you have no business giving out advice. Your only reference point is yourself.

Even if you ARE a professional regarding weight loss or training, YTA for giving advice

to someone who DIDN'T ASK FOR IT. If you only said

"Just FYI that didn't work for me" that would be OK.

When you say you "tried to explain" that sounds like you said it more than once.

Which is not just informing, it's trying to persuade, which is in fact controlling.

Critical_Traffic7686 − YTA If she's serious about weight loss she should consult someone

who knows about diet and exercise.

What works for you (or didn't work) might not be the same for someone else.

These Redditors looked at the psychological risks

[Reddit User] − I'd be a bit more concerned at your sister developing an eating disorder.

Break ups are known to trigger or exacerbate them.

Internet-Dick-Joke − Honestly OP, you're wasting your time on this sub.

One, this is a much deeper issue that is far more delicate than this sub has anywhere

near the nuance or maturity to handle; and two, we are talking about a sub

where people have legitimately tried to argue that weights in the 145lb range are 'obese'

and which seems to think that anywhere above 200lb is the 'break any furniture

that you sit on and always take up multiple sears on any transit' range.

If there are medical professionals that you might be able to reach out to about your concerns

about your sister, then you will be better off asking them for advice.

Alternatively, try to direct her to vetted, qualified professionals such as dieticians

or personal trainers who might be able to steer her towards healthier habits in a way

that she might perceive as less confrontational.

Ultimately, she is trying to lose weight in an unhealthy manner,

and from your comment it sounds like she's also trying to lose weight towards

an unhealthy target, and this is a valid thing to be concerned about,

but it's also a very delicate situation and adressing this in the wrong way

can make things significantly worse.

NAH for being concerned (your sister obviously isn't an AH for going through

what she's going through), but tread carefully

because you might just make her double down.

These users corrected some of the misinformation in your argument

EndielXenon − INFO: How on earth do you think that eating under 1200 calories

per day is going to cause her to become overweight?!?

Status-Arrival-3757 − No one is going to gain weight eating 1200 calories per day.

If you did, you were miscounting.

 

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This group focused on the social etiquette of body talk

 

overZealousAzalea − YTA gently Advice unasked for is criticism.

You can lead by example healthier habits, offer to go with her to weight train, meal prep

or cook her nutritious meals to get more protein, walks outside together.

She may also enjoy the cardio. Endorphins make you happy,

and happy people just don’t k__l their husbands.

LighthouseonSaturn − YTA. You can offer helpful advice when asked,

but realistically, you should just stay out of it.

Everyone's weight loss/health journey is their own.

And obviously, it's a pretty touchy subject for most people.

Beefbeets − YTA If you're gonna give her advice at least make sure

you know what you're talking about first.

These Redditors addressed the science vs. opinion aspect

Apprehensive_Map64 − YtA, she is exercising and cutting calories, she will lose weight.

LiveKindly01 − YTA What you're doing is pushing your 'opinion' as fact

(there are many schools of thought around weight loss, as you well know)

Also, and please don't take offence...but if I wanted to lose weight

I might be hesitant to take advice from someone who themsleves, is currently overweight.

Let her go on her journey, you can share things you've learned,

but not as advice, unless she asks.

These users offered a middle ground

knitwit4461 − NAH body conversations are hard, but she’s shown

that she’s not open to discussing it. Support her where she’s at,

but unsolicited advice probably isn’t going to have the results either of you want.

FairyFartDaydreams − NTA You are trying to help her.

Maybe show her a TDEE Calculator.

Show her the BMR (basal metabolic rate) this is what the body needs to run all organs

and cells including the brain.

Go below that number for a healthy weight goal long term

and you will mess with your metabolism.

BMR is 1399 her Sedentary calories is 1679 BMR is 1263.

She should not be eating below this number on a regular basis.

Sedentary calories is 1516 If she is trying to lean out

she should try Yoga, Pilates, Barre, HITT and/or calisthenics (body weight exercises).

She might fear "bulking up" by doing weights

but lower weights at higher reps will help her gain strength and increase her metabolism.

No one wants to feel weak and having their hair and nails be a wreck

because they are starving themselves.

Since she is not overweight she can probably stick to 1300 calories an add some exercise

and lose those pounds plus building muscle

including lean muscle leads to a better metabolic rate.

Remind her that you love her and would hate to see her do long term damage to her body

The OP’s concern for her sister’s unhealthy approach to weight loss is understandable, given her own experience with restrictive dieting and the negative effects it had on her body.

It comes from a place of care, but the sister’s response of calling it controlling shows how delicate the conversation can be when discussing someone’s body and health choices.

Even though the OP may have good intentions, it’s important to approach such sensitive topics with empathy and understanding, acknowledging the sister’s autonomy.

Was the OP trying to help, or did she cross a line by pushing her perspective too hard? Share your thoughts below!

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